Another boring day near the Bay. The rain pours down from the sky, clouds gray, low, shrouding the enormous white sign on the hill nearby that proudly reads "South San Francisco The Industrial City." It's been awhile since I've done the free writing thing that this blog is a pitiful tribute to (whoops, I already ended a sentence with a preposition). Boredom has reared its ugly head again and along with it self analysis and overthought. It seems that boredom is almost a depressive cycle for me: lack of stimulation, followed by boredom, followed by lack of motivation which causes even more boredom... Yet something builds in my heart. I yearn to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING. So, I decide to write. Writing has always come naturally, but the ideas haven't always. When I was younger, I wrote whenever, whatever. But like the California drought, the past ten years have been relatively barren.

My life has been rather comfortable and lacking of any serious problem. A series of jobs and "career oriented thought experiments taken too far" have lead to almost truly an existential crisis of sorts. I spend most of my days sitting in an unfamiliar California city that has become too familiar waiting for my job that I convince myself is my dream job to call me in to work. So hopefully this post is just the first of many in a more productive way to spend my time. I have decided that I don't really write for an audience, but that having a blog is a good way to keep my writing alive instead of forgotten on an old computer hard drive somewhere...

Still searching...

Still searching...for lost words. For that elusive something or someone. Locked in the cold, gray, uncaring of the corporate world, my spirit fighting mightily against the iron fist of capitalism, I search for rays of light. For sunshine. My spirit seeks to soar beyond its self-induced prison to find the vestiges of a dream slipping away...

The DC-3 of Commercial Space Flight

The metaphor of a DC-3 for commercial space flight has been used and claimed by many projects in the aforementioned sector. But I feel it is also an accurate title for my project. Early in the age of airline travel, the United States lagged many other regions of the world in creating an effective airline network. That is, until the pioneering Douglas Sleeper Transport, DC-2, and DC-3 came along. Those of you in the aerospace industry know the rest of the story.

My DC-3 will be either a very basic large capsule shape with an aerospike nozzle or an air breathing winged version. The first concept (C1) will be very similar in appearance to the old Chrysler SERV concept, which itself was almost an enlarged Apollo capsule. As mentioned, it will use an aerospike engine. This should allow for a hydrogen/liquid oxygen engine to propel it to orbit in a single stage provided light enough materials are used. Additionally, it should be able to fly hypersonic, parabolic routes between intercontinental destinations, much like ICBMs (except less destructive). Using old SERV data, it should have a fairly high Lift to Drag ratio, at least for a vehicle of its configuration, allowing it some low to moderate cross range for diversions and less aerodynamic heating and g-forces during reentry. Alternately, C1 could be equipped with an depoyable parasail similar to the concept advanced for the Gemini capsules in the early 1960s, which would give it more cross-range and an unpowered landing. C1 is the preferred concept due to its relative simplicity. The only stumbling block to it could be an inability to keep the airframe and all components light enough to be carried by the high fuel requirements of SSTO rockets (around 85%-95% of the total takeoff weight will be fuel). Using a high specific impulse aerospike engine should help create a successful solution to the rocket equation as will using lightweight composites and light weight metals in the airframe.

Failing the ability to successful create a feasible C1, C2 shall be an alternate solution. This will use an winged, air-breathing concept probably drawing aerodynamic data from the canceled American National Aerospace Plane and the Soviet TU2000 plane. From stationary to Mach 6, C2 should be able to either rapidly cool atmospheric oxygen to cryogenic temperatures (ala the British LAPCAT) or use ramjet technology. This should increase the specific impulse of the first portion of flight enough to allow the single stage to reach orbit. If this does not work, then a flyback stage could provide fuel for the airbreathing portion as well possibly a few Mach numbers of the pure rocket portion of flight, then separate and fly back to ground station. In this "C2-2" concept, the vehicle should be able to achieve Mach 18-20 without the additional stage, allowing it to complete intercontinental flight without the additional stage.

Untitled

Untitled seems to be the best title of this post. I had a good day of meditative thinking today. I flew to one of my favorite hangouts at the Atlanta airport; a little alcove in Terminal T near the top of the escalators leading down to the "Plane Train." Here I can watch airplanes come and go at gate T8. Ironically, it's a quiet place to think amongst the bustle of the world's busiest airport, all with a fabulous view of those majestic Delta ships. I also wandered around the rest of the airport taking in all of the aircraft and feeling the mixed, often negative emotions yet strange attachment of being associated with this company. I've certainly been transported to so many literal and figurative destinations on those gleaming white ships and it's an adventure that only seems to be just beginning. Later, suspended in the sky on my way back to Pittsburgh, I observed the raw power and beauty of a line of late summer thunderstorms... At that moment, I felt peace, contentment, and a wonder for the future. Childhood memories and dreams of airplanes and the deep, limitless sky fuse with recent adventures in aviation and the airline industry along with my present day hopes and dreams. Here, everything aligns and a serenity takes hold of me. The opportunity finally presents itself to plan and clarify my near term plan of action: 1.) Although not the most desirable setup, I am at peace with my current work arrangement. In fact, I even manage to have fun sometimes. Additionally, it is relatively flexible and gives me the opportunity to travel. If the opportunity presents itself, I will improve my career lot, but there is no hurry. 2.) I must finish my instrument rating. I know I can, I just need to sit down and study more. I can do it. 3.) I must finalize my "DC-3 Spacecraft" plans as much as possible. If I cannot build this dream ship, I should advocate it in writing and work to surround myself with the resources to realize it.

Suspended

Suspended far in the sky... The doldrums of the old sailors Love torments Music adds to the surreal The World calls Flight sings its sweet song Love is lost?

Insomina and pointlessness

I have been in a massive funk for a least a few months. Work is frustrating, long, doesn't pay very well and I feel like I am making no advancement. The search for a "better" more permanent job is fruitless at best, utterly and completely discouraging at worst. I find myself alternating from being so busy I can't even think in my three and a half day, 40-50 hour work week to being horribly bored on my weekend. I feel completely unstimulated by my life right now. I'm trying to change that, but as I sink in to someone of a hypo-depression, I seemingly lose the willpower and ability to figure out how to change it. I also know I have so much to be thankful for...which makes the depressive state worse because I feel guilty and irrational for dwelling on the negative. Consequently, I very rarely discuss the full extent of my feelings with anyone. ...And as usual, I just ran out of compositional steam even though I had more to say, ha.

Sigh

Never having been to Asia, I decided recently to take a trip to the city-state of Singapore. I chose Singapore for many reasons, not the least was the very favorable weather and good public transportation. The trip was awesome. Indeed it was almost a life-altering experience in some ways. But my brain or in more poetic terms, my heart, decided to make me half fall in love with someone. A little background. As a casual airline employee, I had been planning on taking advantage of my employee travel perks by taking a long distance trip for quite some time. Singapore was on my list of potential destinations for its diversity, energy, weather, and accessibility. Having local friends to show one around a new place is always a great way to experience somewhere. Of course, living halfway around the world from Singapore and never having been there, I didn't have any friends in Singapore. So about a month before I took my trip, I decided to post a Craigslist ad to meet some new friends in the island nation. Being an incurable romantic, I elected to put the post in the "Men Seeking Women/Relationship" section. Within a day, three women, all whom seemed "interesting" (that old, time tested cliche of online dating) had responded. I struck up a fairly regular correspondence with them including chatting. All three were great and I found myself developing a reasonable friendship with each. One of the ladies in particular, I found to be very fascinating. Well, actually to be fair, I really like all three women, but for the purposes of this hopefully therapeutic blog post, I'll stand by the previous statement. But anyhow, the lady in question and I chatted and exchanged Facebook posts quite regularly. I really grew to like her a fair amount. From the beginning, there were some more than platonic overtones, fairly minor, but there nonetheless. Looking back, though, I do think those overtones gradually evolved into more platonic themes by the time of my trip, but I think an expectation was set up in my mind, even though she very obviously does not owe me anything given her hospitality and friendship.

Finally, last week, I left on my long anticipated (yet poorly planned) trip. The first day, I had planned to meet one of the other ladies, but that didn't pan out due to her work schedule. The next day, after a frustrating period of time trying to remain accessible to my hotel telephone (my cell phone didn't work in Singapore), I managed to meet up with the subject of this post. From the outset, I was blown away by her. To begin with, she was quite beautiful yet really cute at the same time. But beyond that, I found myself captivated by her personality. If I could only be half the person she is, I'd be happy. It's hard to really describe the spirit I felt from her in my limited and rather prosaic prose. Suffice to say, she was amazing. I felt those first stirrings of intense liking that one feels when they meet someone they might love or eventually come to love.

She took me around town and showed me many of the sights. Along the way, we talked quite a bit and shared observations about life in general; all the old cliche small talk when you first meet someone. I tend to be a rather reserved person, especially around people that I like a lot but don't yet know well. I guess I want to make a good impression and I'm afraid that said people might make me out to be a fool. So I tried my best to keep her entertained, I think I may have done alright, but I also think I tended to be the dull, annoying person that I often fear that I am. Later that night, we went out for drinks, which was probably my downfall.

I am not really a drinker. In fact prior to, I hadn't really drunk much other than a beer or two here and there. To begin with, the bar (probably more like a club) was loud and crowded. I liked the atmosphere, but the place was not conducive to conversation. By that time, I had warmed up quite a bit conversationally and was ready to impress her with my wit and highly "intelligent" banter (tongue planted firmly in cheek). Except between her highly educated Singapore accent which I was not used to, the loud bar, my lowered hearing abilities from being a pilot and airline worker, and lack of conversational prompts, it became very hard to carry on a conversation. Plus, I had an "all you can drink" wrist band...which was a very, very, very bad idea, especially for this drinking lightweight. I had maybe about three vodka and tonics plus a few low alcohol fruity drinks the place was giving out for free and was starting to feel a pleasant buzz. But I was consuming too fast and was soon on about my ninth or tenth drink (not counting the fruity crap). Long story short, I got fairly buzzed...okay, drunk as much as it pains this former anti-alcohol quasi-teetotaler to admit. I guess that I wasn't too drunk because I remember the entire evening very well despite the drinks. Yet I think it was enough to probably embarrass her and of course myself, especially when her friend showed up. And of course when I started to doze off a little bit when the buzz started wearing off. So instead of more clubbing afterwards, she kindly flagged a cab down for me and made sure I got back to my hotel while her and her friend continued their exciting evening in Singapore's vibrant nightlife. So I knew the night had not ended well.

The next morning, I sent her a short note thanking her for the evening and apologizing. I spent the next few days touring and meeting with my other two friends, one who I developed a fairly advanced crush on as well, but not quite the same. Finally, the subject of this blog post asked if I wanted to go out for coffee before I left, which I gladly accepted. I had to wait until the next day, though, as I had planned to meet one of my other friends that night. Then a business dinner came up for her so we couldn't meet. Oddly enough, I had woken up that morning half thinking to myself, "f---, I think I might love her just a little bit." I knew it was stupid and irrational given we'd just met, but I also knew that that is at least half of what romantic love is. Anyhow, when she said she couldn't meet, I actually cried a little bit because I knew I had to leave the next morning. In fact, I almost considered delaying my departure another day, but I knew I shouldn't make plans around someone who might not be willing or able to accommodate them. So I sent her an email hinting at my feelings as well as apologizing for my various failures and faults and mentioning my wishes that I was worthy of her. She didn't respond and I left Singapore feeling that tormented, tortured yet at the same time happy and hopeful feeling that is often associated with such situations. She finally responded while I was flying and I read her email on my layover in Tokyo. Basically, she didn't pick up the hints or deliberately ignored them and just wrote her well-wishes and her reaffirmation of our friendship. I was somewhat disappointed but mostly hugely relieved as I thought that I had burned a bridge by sending my message or that she would react hugely negatively.

I know that there's always a chance, but at the same time, I probably wasn't attractive to her both in appearance and personality. I know she wants to meet up again when we get the chance which would be great. She is a great friend and I hope that we can keep up the friendship. I guess that I just hate being half in love and knowing that it probably will never be. Writing this post, as intended, has been quite therapeutic, though. I see now that disappointment is part of the game and that sometimes life just goes on. In fact life always goes on. About "half-love;" I suppose that that means that I remain hopeful and know that I have a good friendship, but that chances of anything happening in the near future are slim.

Thinking about an old flame...

Airline Customer Service

Sorry. Of all the tens of thousands of miles I've flown as an airline passenger and the time I've spent as an airline employee, I still don't see it. That is, all the much hyped "poor customer service" that millions of air travelers supposedly experience every day in the American airline industry. In my experience, airline customer service is no better or worse than any other sector I've had to deal with as a customer. I know that's not saying much in this modern day and age, seeing how horrible customer service in general is becoming, but the airline industry is not exceptional in this regard. Airfares are arguably cheaper than ever before (adjusting for inflation) even with the much reviled "added fees" of late. Additionally, since industry deregulation 30 some years ago, there are more choices for the consumer than ever before. Granted, the elimination of many amenities in recent times, such as free hot meals in domestic coach class, as well as the addition of onerous security measure since 9/11 have not curried favor among many airline passengers, to put it lightly. Yet these are relatively minor factors given the easy and inexpensive access to economical and extremely safe rapid transport system that is the airline industry in the modern era.

All that being said, there are a few reasons why I think airline customer service has become increasingly reviled in the past ten years or so. For one, most Americans share somewhat of a cultural memory of airlines as they once were: a premium luxury transport service. Seemingly they do not realize how much the economics of the industry have changed and that Americans' demand for a flying bus service (ie cheap fares and increased frequency) has perhaps lead to the current state of affairs in the industry.

For another, customer service has seemingly always played second fiddle to other goals in aviation, namely the goal of successful flight operations. Early accounts of the "glory days" of Pan Am prop liners (you know, the fabled ones with lounges and staterooms on board) are peppered with anecdotes of "distant and aloof" airline crew not fully attentive to passenger complaints. The airline industry is first and foremost a flight organization with safety and successful operations as the driving force (at least in theory, some airline managers seems to secretly differ in this opinion, but that's a post for another day). Thus, airlines are very much an authoritative structure. Airline captains have full nautical style authority over their craft. Flight Attendants issue rigid safety orders to passenger as their job requires. I think some paying passengers see this as a bad product, one for which they paid "large" sums of money. They perhaps rebel at the idea of paying to be exposed to nautical style authoritarianism not realizing that "it's nothing personal, just business [of safe flight operations]." That is that safety is paramount.

Still another reason for perceived bad customer service in the airline industry is a practice that has become widespread in just the past ten years. This is the practice of "cross utilizing" outstation airline officials. Traditionally, even at outstations (or airline destinations with non hub status), ramp personnel (baggage handlers, cleaners, etc) were typically separate departments from airport customer service. Lately, many airlines have begun using airport agents that perform both ramp and customer service tasks. This leads to task over saturation for fewer employees. Additionally, from an HR or an I/O Psychology perspective, ramp and customer service are two separate core competencies. Rampers are theoretically recruited on a more mechanical competency while customer service agents are theoretically recruited on an interpersonal competency. Perhaps hiring ramp agents who are also tasked to be customer service agents has resulted in a decrease in interpersonal competencies among front line airline airport employees.

Finally, and perhaps most obviously, I think that many passengers perceive airline customer service as "bad" because they are anxious or scared about flying, perhaps not even realizing that they are. Many airline passengers do not seem to understand the basic mechanics of flight nor is the human mind wired to automatically accept the idea of a pressurized metal tube soaring through the sky. Such must be the work of gods or spirits or perhaps the devil. Add in the recent memories of hijacked airliners crashing into buildings and you have a recipe for extreme anxiety in the typical airline passenger. Perhaps some of this anxiety is manifest in anger or irritation.

Hydrogen Fuel Cell Spacecraft?

To any engineers or knowledgeable amateur enthusiasts: would it be possible to build an SSTO that uses hydrogen fuel cells to generate electricity to power an on board beam propulsion system (like microwaves or lasers)? This would use air as the propellent and hydrogen for the electrical generation (obviously). Or would such a system be monstrously inefficient? That is would it be more efficient to directly convert hydrogen and oxygen to thrust as is the current convention? I crunched some basic numbers and it seems that enough hydrogen to equal the energy production potential of a small nuclear reactor over a small but practical amount of time for an engine burn could easily fit within a 500-1000 imperial ton type of launcher with a very high payload to fuel ratio. Of course I'm probably way off and that's making a big assumption that the equivalent of a small nuclear reactor would produce enough energy for the task at hand. On an unrelated note, I used A LOT of run on sentences in this post, but thoughts are appreciated!

Antimatter Annihilation Engine

Closer than ever to reality! Recent reports have indicated that scientists have succeeded in trapping antihydrogen in strong magnetic fields. Although the time of storage was very minimal (mere milliseconds), it's a positive step towards being able to store antimatter for longer periods of time, an important design consideration for a practical antimatter annihilation based engine. In addition to the storage requirement, methods of economical mass production of antimatter need to be developed. But this might simply accomplished by putting more energy into production (ie powering a particle accelerator with solar power transmission). The actual annihilation part is easy...

Protostar CODAC

An interesting project I launched during my first lonely semester at Penn State. http://www.mfbb.net/codac/

Asia's "Wildest Dreams"

4:40 to 5:00 on Asia's "Wildest Dreams:" I love that minor thematic element with the guitar and the synthesizer backing. Awesome!

New Domain

So I'm trying dot.tk's free domain redirect service and I am really liking it. The only catch is that I have to receive at least 25 visitors a month to maintain an active domain otherwise I lose it. So if you are visiting this blog from the blogspot domain or another domain, please redirect your browser to http://www.garryspost.tk. Thanks!

Short Story Starts I

One of my millions of short story starts laying around my desktop. It's bad...seems like I always get writer's block shortly after starting. To paraphrase Stephen Coonts, it's like Tom Clancy ate a bad pizza one night and couldn't sleep. I think I wrote this one a few years ago. This post marks the beginning of an occasional series entitled "Short Story Starts." Feel free to contribute your own addition in the comments. This posting is "open source" in that it may be used freely in any aspect so long as NOT for profit and that the original core (this posting) be credited to me, the author of Garry's Post, with a link to this blog.

Deprived of any temporal context, Johnson knew not where he was in time and space. He only knew of his past and of the near future stretching bleak and static, a testament to loneliness and despair. Regrets were a part of his daily contemplation; wraiths of self loathing and vast regrets of a life that could have been.

Johnson hadn't meant to get caught up in this war. But who really meant to get caught up in any shit like this? Not the people of the ravaged planet he found himself on, for sure. Not the young soldiers who invaded it or defended as the case might be. Johnson knew almost nothing about the current status of the conflict. Not since the spaceliner he had piloted for Interstellar was snatched from the sky by the near invisible hands of advanced weaponry. He wondered, no obsessed about constantly the events that followed the unfortunate incident, events of which he had no knowledge. One minute he was in his Captain's chair plotting an approach to Revolutionary City, the next he was aware of darkness, briefly of voices, but then endless, unknowing darkness. He wondered what became of his passengers, his crew.

He was aware of minor things, like the unyielding, cold floor, the stench of his wastes and filthy body, of the feeding tube in his abdomen, of the cold chains that bound him, of the electric shocks that stimulated his muscles periodically. Obviously his captors cared something about his well being, perhaps for some yet unknown political maneuvering. Or perhaps one day a gas would seep into his cell and without knowing it, he would breathe his last, a unused but worthless pawn in some great international game of which he had no desire to participate in.

Johnson had been in the Army, first an infantryman, later an officer and a transport pilot. The conflict was not necessarily a completely unknown variable to him. It was your run of the mill affair; idealistic intellectual cum wannabe revolutionaries turned ruthless guerrillas versus an entrenched, unscrupulous, lumbering dinosaur of an imperialistic power. The conflict was one that had been repeated so many times in history that if one believed in it, they might think Fate had a bad case of amnesia, or perhaps writer's block. Johnson had allowed himself to laugh bitterly at this analogy all the while wondering if he was losing his mind to the darkness and the despair. The players were not new, indeed they were forces that had clashed many times before.

In the 22nd Century, humans, like so many predicted, spread from their original home on Earth, the result of momentous leaps in technology at the end of the 21st Century. The shifting politics of this turbulent, spontaneous expansion which much resembled American expansion West of the Mississippi in the 19th Century, redefined some nations and emboldened others. The African Union rose as a force to be reckoned with on the force of South Africa's advances in space flight technology. The European Union, rather than strengthening as the post World War II ideal had been, split from within as conservatives in the United Kingdom, France, and Germany questioned the effect of pan nationalism on national sovereignty. China's economic momentum disappeared some time in the middle of the 21st and with it, its Communist party, national unity, and global power.

So I graduated college...

Now what? I guess I'm going to do some flight training, hopefully find a job, maybe start on my Master's degree...

Hydrogen-Electric to Orbit

Some unedited thoughts:

I'm not an expert on fuel cells, but it seems that they would be a likely candidate for increasing hydrogen utilization in spacecraft. Seems like one could use fuel cells to generate electricity for expansionary hydrogen gas propulsion instead of using the complex, somewhat messy engineering of external power sources. Expansionary hydrogen propulsion increases the specific impulse of hydrogen from 250 seconds to approximately 1000 seconds (not my figure, so I haven't double checked the math). Using approximate energy conversion rates and some fuzzy math that I won't go into here, it would take around 12,000 imperial tons of liquid hydrogen (plus ultra efficient fuel cell technology) to generate electrical output sufficient for obtaining Low Earth Orbit...excluding the hydrogen required for the expansionary propellant. It can get hairy lifting those kind of tonnages (not even considering airframe and payload weight), but airship technology could act at as a first stage of a multistage system. Such a system would be a concentrated use of solar energy (using renewable resources to split hydrogen from water) in a form practical for high performance flight applications. One could probably reduce the fuel load requirement by instituting a lower atmosphere air breathing stage of some sort. I'm probably way off here, but it's an interesting idea.

Payload and Airframe Weight: 2000 tons
Liquid Hydrogen for Electrical Generation: 4500 tons (based off of 7.9 KwHr per pound to reach GEO and 15.1 KwHr per pound of liquid hydrogen)
Hydrogen for Expansionary propellent: 5400 tons (based off of specific impusle of expansionary hydrogen of around 1000 seconds)
Total Craft Takeoff Weight to GEO: 12900 tons

One of the issues I see is accounting for the weight of the hydrogen for electrical generation in crunching these numbers. I used the value of 1200 tons and came up with needing 4500 tons. How do I account for the weight of hydrogen used for expendable purposes for electrical generation?

Also, is the figure quoted in the reference applicable to these type of vehicles and not just tethers? (http://www.kestsgeo.com/pages/workenergy.html) I need a more concrete source.

I feel like a failure sometimes when it comes to communicating in an LDR. Especially when it comes to trying to comfort my partner when she is down. :-(

Screaming Maniacs Everywhere

...so shrill, so binary, so simplistic in theoretical thinking that I find myself questioning your viewpoints regardless of my true feelings about them. Wake up! Open your eyes! The world is not black and white, it is shades of gray!!!!

The Welfare State and Anti-Capitalist Libertarianism (ACL)

ACLs recognize the role that inherent social stratification and capitalism plays in inequality to resources. The ideal ACL system is the moneyless, CODAC, and/or CPO supported system (described in previous entries) in which social justice is ensured through the elimination of the modern capitalist system and the overbearing government. To the end, ACLs such as myself advocate governmental libertarianism and a non-capitalist productive system. But as long as modern capitalism exists and CPOs, CODAC organizations, or what have you do not have sufficient resources to exist as a counterpoint to capitalistic and governmental institutions, should the welfare state and/or government social programs exist as a counterpoint to capitalism? Yet government is inherently flawed when it comes to reinforcing the negative social patterns prevalent in today's socioeconomic system. This is the fundamental dilemma of ACLs in the present day. Perhaps this dilemma is solved by focusing all of efforts on the achievement of the ideal ACL system, for if we use government as a crutch, we become what we seek to defeat. But what about those denied by the socioeconomic system who need support? What should they do before the achievement of the ideal ACL system? I suppose it must come down to the lesser of two evils. At least government systems do not exist for the most part for profit but to provide services although they do extract a cost in social stratification by reinforcing the prevailing patterns of class restriction...